Lord I surrender all

Felt disappointed that my sis don't appreciate what I did for her. I am planning for our family outing to the zoo. At first I wanted it on sat because it's the day where most of us can make it but I didn't realize that my 2 younger sis got church. So we decided to change to a weekday. Daddy definitely doesn't want to take leave. Both the younger sis got to go during school holiday. I just have to take leave and wait for it to be approved. But the third sis said that I'm selfish because I take into consideration for everyone except hers. How on earth would I know her friend's 18th birthday will fall on that day that I chose for everyone. It was so perfect. Both of them are on holiday and Daddy is having his off day. I just have to take leave. What more it's in December, which is a very difficult month to take leave. When I told her to change to another day to celebrate for her separately, she said that she might not have time and by the time it will be next year. Well, if that's the case then let's change it. But she said she don't want to go, and I'm the one who is forcing her to go, and I'm being selfish. Daddy said he didn't got the chance to go to zoo and it's a family outing. But now she said I'm selfish? Who is the one being selfish? I tried to accommodate her but she doesn't want to cooperate. We quarreled until I nearly want to hit her. But thank God, His Holy Spirit stopped me from hurting each other. Thank God I went into my room and calm down. Sometimes being the eldest is the most difficult role. At least God knows my intention. Even if she don't understand me and kept thinking that I'm being selfish, I will just let God handle the situation. This year really got no more strength to fight for this kind of things. I'm tired too. No point getting angry and letting people know that you are suffering. Lord, I surrender all to You.

Thoughts

Happy Valentine's Day, anyone who read my post or blog! Today I received 4 gifts from my last's year children. Saw Dao Jun, Jovan, Joseph and Yuan Hao. Their presence is already a present. Thank God for the making me happy!

Felt so happy to see my last year's K2 children. So far I had already seen Claire, Angeline, Joseph, Dao Jun, Jovan, Yuan Hao, Regene, Rayden and Wei Kai. Both Regene and Dao Jun always come to the centre and look for me. Jovan always run away from me. Haha! Caleb's father told me that Caleb actually took the photo of him and I as a treasure, always looking at it. HAHA! So cute! Even though they might be a handful but they are still very adorable. What more it's my first class. I really miss them so much.

This year's batch is much more easier but not that fun. Maybe I haven't know them well enough. I love my special needs' children. They are lovable and interesting. How I hope next year I can get to attach to K1 class. I love that class. But don't think I will be in that class next year as I'm going for my course soon. But it might change like this year all of us thought that I will be in T class, but my manager wants me to stay in K2. The stress is so big, but thank God for His grace, my manager treats me better this year.

I have some dreams after I get my diploma, if it's possible, I want to try teaching in primary school. That will be interesting as you can join a CCA as a teacher. But the stress will be even bigger. Well, one step at a time. If God wants me where, I will go as long as my mission, which is also God's mission, is accomplish.

So long didn't post such a long post. This few months is a lonely month. Though I might felt lonely, I am not alone. I know God's presence is with me. I felt disconnected with the world even though I still socialized. It's been a while since I visit the beach. I really wish I could go to the beach alone and with no one around. Just me enjoying the breeze and the calming sound of the sea. It will be perfect if I go there during dawn, but it's impossible unless I stay near there.

Chest pain

During Friday afternoon morning tea break, suddenly my chest is so painful that I find it difficult to continue working. I nearly wanted to tell my manager that, but it stop after one minute or so. This has already occurred ever since after I had my spine operation. I didn't tell my mother and I didn't plan to tell her too. If I tell her, she will say too heaty and I always eat junk food. So I only tell my father, he said go see doctor. Well, I hope it's nothing big just that the weather is very hot.