Worries

I took my assessment video for the third time today and I believe it is the last time. It's so bad for me to keep on waking the children up early. I hope that my LORD will help me to pass through this assessment. Finishing all the reports too. Hallelujah! Working working working. Studying studyin studying. My mood swing is so bad these few days. Sometimes I really hate menses a lot.

How am I going to bring Jesslyn's present to work than to orchard? The Pooh bear is so big and there is no place for me to put at my workplace. Jesus, please help me. Show me what to do with the bear! Thank You Jesus. Presents and birthday, sometimes I can really hate them. That's why there was a year when I didn't celebrate my birthday but my friend gave me a surprise.

Worrying too much is not a good thing, in fact I shouldn't be worrying. It's because God is my EVERYTHING! I should depend on Him and go to sleep now. Yeah!:)

Emotional

I'm very emotional today, Lord. Felt so frustrated and yet so disappointed. People just like to do everything for their own good. We tend to do something that we will benefit and throw other things to other people. I always tell myself that children are innocent. I kept thinking about God and depending on Him. Even though the children make me angry but still they are children. Adults make me angry then I have to leave my emotions to God. But thank God I didn't scream and shout at my children.

There was a few instances that my tears were forming around my eyes already. Forcing myself to hold back my tears and continue to be normal. I doubt there is anybody who know I'm not okay. I was thinking of changing to work at PCF. At least when they have holidays I can have holidays too. And I don't have to bathe them, pat them to sleep. I only need to face the children only for about 3-4 hours and then the next class will come in.

I want to have a day that I can spend it with GOD only and relax myself. Lord, it's so difficult to continue but I won't try to give up. So please help me to endure and be able to solve my problems. I felt that I'm always being bullied. People just like it because they know that I won't talk back or do anything. Well, God will settle for me.

June holidays are coming

Finally Parent function and PTC is over! Hallelujah! I have not have the time to be able to update my blog. Whole week was so pack that only Monday I was able to go home at 1900. Today finally can be able to stay at home after church! I was quite enjoying my day at home catching up with "The in-laws". Missed 4 episodes and now tomorrow is the last episode.

June holidays are here and the children will be having lots of fun. I only take break for the spelling! HAHA! At least it can be stopped for one month. Last week I lost my voice on Tuesday and they asked me to go back because Wednesday was our PTC. In the end, some misunderstanding then I did some work and went back home. Still haven't hand in my MC yet.

Last week I felt quite unfair because Clarinda and I received some instructions from the Supervisor. But in the end was reprimanded by the manager for listening to the instrustions and didn't approach her. Well we were wrong but she totally turn the whole thing to us. At least tell the Supervisor not to do that again in a nice way. But she didn't. She even states that she know we are new, but she was not viewing from our perspective. Well, it's unfair, but I will leave it to God to settle. God I felt unfair please help me to forgive and forget and leave it to you.

Quiet confidence in troubled waters

Sermon title: Quiet confidence in troubled waters
Key scripture: Acts 27
Preacher: Pastor Cheng Kim Meng

2 kinds of storms in our life:
-first kind is the one we bring upon ourself.
-second kind is cause by others including satanic opposition.
How can we stand tall and have the confidence?
Acts 23:11
Don't drift!
When we are in difficult crisis, we tend to give up important things rather than looking to God.
Don't discard and don't despair.
When we are face with challenges, we have anchor in the Lord.

-3 principles of anchoring in God:
1) Connect with His Presence - Don't Drift.
*verse 23-24

2) Commit to His Purpose - Don't Discard.
*verse 24
When we are faced with crisis, are we becoming more and more Christ-like?
Romans 8:28-29

3) Claim His Promises - Don't Despair.
*verse 25
Storms cannot destroy the child of God.
*verse 42-44
His plan is to give you hope and a future.

Heart of a Teacher by Paula Fox

Growing As Spirit-Beings

Sermon title: Growing as Spirit-beings
Key Scripture: Galatians 5:25
Preacher: Apostle Lawrence Khong

God has already pour out His Spirit.
When we always walk in the Spirit, supernatural things will always happen to you.
How strong is your Spirit man right now?

-3 truths about Spirit Beings:
1) We are Primarily Spirit Beings
Just like God is a Spirit, we are spirit too.
Genesis 2:7
1 Thessalonians 5:23 "...whole spirit, soul and body..."
Body: Physical
Soul: Personality + Emotions
Spirit: Beyond what we can think/do
Ephesians 2:1-2
Before we know God, our spirit is dead because it is being controlled by the devil.
Romans 8:10 & 16
When you accept Christ, our spirit come alive and our body is dead!

2) We are to Operate as Spirit Beings
Galatians 5:16
Ephesians 2:26
If you want to cultivate a spirit, you need to be in communion with God.
a] Operate in the Spirit not for ourselves
b] Operate in the Spirit to serve others

3) We are to Train ourselves as Spirit Beings
Hebrews 5:14
Keep operating in the Spirit.
One of the way to train is to speak in tongue.
1 Corinthians 14:4
Jude 1:20

Stop complaining

I'm so grateful for such a wonderful manager. Now then I know that my workload is slightly lighter than other ATs that has work with her before. Heard that she wants me to learn slowly and don't want to give me too much stress. So I should stop complaining to myself. Even though I felt that I have lots of things to do, that is not all the work yet. Thank God for her. I felt so encouraged. God is so good to me. I love You Lord!

Tomorrow still need to go back to centre because I haven't finish my work. They didn't ask me back but I have things to be done by Monday! God please help me to be able to finish it. I shall not complain anymore. I just hope that the PTC period will be over as soon as possible. So that we can enjoy the June Holidays even though I still need to go back to work. I want to enjoy life and bring God's word to the people!

Finally resting

I have been preparing for parent function and the video for my course and outing for K2. This month is a first busy period of the year. It's difficult for the K2s' teachers to apply leave. I have not been having proper rest until today. I was really resting in the LORD this early morning. It was like at prayer mountain, just that it's more noisy at ECP. I thank God for today!

Last Friday's parent function ends quite late and I leave the centre at about 2345. Next day work at 0700 end work at 1300. Went for class at bras basah at 1400 and ends at 1800. Rushed to Marine Parade for Gkidz at 1830 but I reached at about 1930. Ends at 2200. It was a wonderful experience and thank God that I'm able to go through it without falling apart.

Have a weird feeling about my menstration. Last month till now, my menses come 1 week and rest 1 week, come again rest again for 1 week. So weird! Lord, I hope I'm just thinking too much. Help me to not worry about anything. I believe that is because I'm too stress up. Now I realised what work life is and I understand a bit of the world. How people can just tell lie to protect themselves even in Christian's workplace.

Sometimes, I just felt like crying. That's the problem with me, I don't like to share my problems. Everytime I share my problems, something or someone will make me even more sad than my problems. So I learnt to only tell God and nobody else. I don't know whether is this right or wrong not to tell people. But I just felt more comfortable like this. That's why I prefer to not talk than talk non-stop. I can talk a lot if I want to but I just like it when I'm quiet.

I felt that that's me when I'm quiet even though sometimes it resulted in me being left out. Oh no! I think the devil is attacking me right now! God please help me not to feel emotional. I want to be happy with You! OK let me stop this right now.

Following Jesus

Sermon title: Following Jesus
Key Scripture: Matthew 4:18-22
Preacher: Rev. Edmund Chan

To be conform to the image of Jesus, we have to be transform.
The key to be Jesus' disciple is to follow Him.
~ What does "following Jesus" really mean?
1) To follow Jesus FULLY
*verse 20 & 22
Put down everything in your life and submit to Him.

2) To follow Jesus GLADLY
*verse 20 & 22 : immediately
There was a joy and it is a priviledge.
It's a call to joyous abandon.
It's a priviledge and a honor to serve God.

3) To follow Jesus ONLY
*verse 19
We have to abide in God only.
We "fly" in connection with Jesus.
Without Jesus, we can't fly at all.
When we abide in Him, He will make us fisher of men.

Thank God

Thank God for showing His great love to me. Yesterday I was helpless and at the verge of crying. Every wednesday and thursday we are supposed to bring the mattresses of K1 and K2 from music room to classroom and back. Supposedly all the teachers are to help out, but don't know where are all the teachers. Ever since the K1 AT don't come for work, the K1 teachers kept asking me to help them to bring their mattresses too. While one teacher is working late shift, the other is staying in the office doing work. Well, they are busy, me too. I have my parent function and PTC to do. Just because I'm ok with everything and I'm an AT, they can order me around in doing things that they are supposed to do. If you want me to help, I'm ok, but u want me to do it ALONE and there you are doing your own work. Then who is going to help me with my work? Actually, seriously I'm ok with helping, but my manager and my teacher told me lots of things to protect myself. Then the other side, they are asking me to do their work. Anyway, I nearly break down, because I don't know how to say no when I'm supposed to.

After work, I went for prayer meeting and my cell and God cheer me up. They comfort me. God bring people and also during the prayer, they prayed for me. It's very tough staying in child care, but the children motivates me to be there with them. If I really want to quit, I would need to wait till they graduate. Today, God sent people to show me love again. The service-learning facilitator washed our feet and it was a great blessing that I was shocked when I heard that. At first I want to reject, but it is a blessing from God. So I shouldn't reject God's love for me, and I accept it. I'm learning how to receive from others. I really want to thank God for everything that happened to me in these past 2 weeks. It's a fruitful week. Hallelujah praise the Lord!

Another busy week

First thing in the morning, I was being asked to take care of Josh, an autism child. He was crying very badly at the classroom. I was trying my very best to bring him to change into uniform but still couldn't. He told me he want to go home and doesn't want to change. In the end, we found out that his elder brother didn't go to school because today is a public holiday. He also doesn't want to go to school and he still know how to give excuses to not come to school.

Last week was a very very busy week. This week is another busy week again. I told myself not to stay until 1900 but I still stayed until 1900 then went home. There are too many things to do, still haven't finish most of it. Took the video with Angeline but was unsuccessful!:( Angeline kept smiling but doesn't want to answer my questions. Then when she can answer, it was my turn to laugh. Took 5 times and decided to video again on wed, Thurs or Fri. Lord, please help me to be able to finish it by this Fri.

Today the class attendance is only 19/27. It's so much easier to control the class when it's smaller in size. But there is always still some who will give me trouble. But it's really better, I didn't raise my voice at all!:) During the afternoon, my back started to feel uncomfortable and weird. I want to rest but there is no chance for me to rest. I need a 2 weeks break! HAHA! But I can't apply leave for 2 weeks. AAHHHHHH!!!!!! I need rest! How to rest, LORD?!

I'm going to sleep now. Nowadays been watching the 2200 show on channel U until I sleep after 2300. I believe I will be able to sleep at 2200 after the last episode ends this Wednesday. Sleep, sleep, sleep and rest, rest, rest.

Tough week

Since Tuesday I have been working from 0840 till 1900. It's not the official time, I just stayed back to finish up my work. Due to loading and unloading mattresses to and fro, some more I have to help 2 classes, all my work has to push back and do.

This week there is something happening, don't felt like typing out but it is still in "progress". Thank God for such a wonderful manager, she taught me lots of things and also helped me with lots of things that I don't know; She guide me through my assessment. She said something that woke me up. "If it's a problem, it will be a problem." I suddenly realised that I'm somehow running away just because I'm afraid to say out something affecting something.

I have to really take that step out to not be afraid to give instructions to people and also to say out when I'm actually suffering and need help. I shouldn't just do it because she is someone higher than me in position. Sad to say, that's why people always bully me. HAHA! But I'm not saying that my colleague bully me. They are wonderful people just that we are all not perfect.

This week is a tough week but thank God that He is with me, I still can hang on. There is more to come. God is training me and molding me.

Wiped out

Reached workplace at 0830 and work until 1900 with NO break! Mrs Lim asked me how come I'm so late. But I thought we were supposed to reach at 0830. Anyway, the children took photos almost for the whole day! They take photo from about 0900 till 1600! Poor children. Some even can't get to sleep.

During lunch time, the moment I want to take a bite from my hotdog bun, the children asked for second helping, ketchup, mayonnaise and watermelon. That's the problem with too many children in the class. HAHA!

When they woke up, suddenly one of the children scream and shout for me. I turned and take a look and I saw a millipede!! It was crawling around and I was too afraid and I shouted for Zhou lao shi for help. She came and killed the insect.I was so scared that I grabbed both Claire and Dao Jun by my side. HAHA!

After work, I brought all the K2 and K1 mattresses to music room! It was a great work done by me with God. HEHE~ Today too many things are happening already. 2 children was being rude with me. Oh man~ I'm too easily bullied already. The children purposely ignored my instructions! Lord please help to manage this class of children.

Badly sick

Yesterday morning woke up felt weird. I still went to church and felt sleepy and very cold. When I reached home I felt sick so I took my temperature and it was 37.7 degree Celsius. After that I couldn't take it I fell asleep. Then I woke up my temperature was 38.0 degree celsius. I kept feeling nausea and I vomited thrice! I vomit until there is nothing to vomit, I vomited my gastric juice. I cried and cried to God asking Him to heal me. I got a severe headache that I couldn't take it. I was suffering so much. Thank God today when I woke up I was feeling quite ok. Now don't have fever but still feeling dizzy. Heavenly Father, please heal me completely! Thank You, Amen!

Do you love Me?

Sermon title: Do you love Me?
Key Scripture: John 21:15-17
Preacher: Rev. Yong Tai Tong

~ 2 major concerns on Jesus' heart:
1) Peter's well-being - Jesus wanted to restore Peter.
Jesus came to restore Peter's heart to take away the barrier that is blocking him to have a good relationship with Jesus.
Jesus is concern about His every individual disciples.

2) The Church's well-being - Jesus wanted the Church to be restore.
Jesus said, "Feed my lambs."
"Take care of my sheeps."
"Feed my sheeps."
How do we love Jesus?

~How to consolidate a new believer?
- iCARE -
1) intercession
Luke 22:31-32

2) Concern
God prepare breakfast and set up a fireplace for His disciples.

3) Availability
Mark 3:14
a) Regular time
b) Adhoc times

4) Relationship
John 21:5
John 15:15
1 Thessalonians 2:8

5) Equipping
Mark 3:14-15
Ephesians 4:11-13