Just want to cry

Just want to cry right now. For everything. Seriously.

Hello everyone!

Wow! I have not been blogging for 5 months. So many things had happened. We went to the zoo already and everyone was very happy. Thank God for that. Well, I have been enrolled in Early childhood care Education course. It's been almost 4 months in it, leaving me with 2 years and 8 months more. Can you imagine how tough it is to work in the morning and go for night classes every Mon, Wed and Fri? On top of that I still have church stuff and the worse: TUITION on Sun evening. But thank God I still have my own free time where I can relax myself. Recently just celebrated my 21st birthday. Thanking God for even able to celebrate it. Received lots of present, but that is not the main point. It's a blessing to be able to receive God's blessing. He had used the people around me to show me His love and His protection is incredible. I wish this year will end in a blink of eye. This year is really tiring and tough. I can't wait for Christmas! It means everything.
God has blessed me so much that my Thanks for Him is not enough. The only way I can constantly thanks Him is through serving Him forever. I have 2 increments and bonus for my pay and because company is not going to grant us off in-lieu, we have a pay increase. Isn't that wonderful? But honestly, I rather have holidays than the pay. Anyway, God has His plan so will just stick to it.

Lord I surrender all

Felt disappointed that my sis don't appreciate what I did for her. I am planning for our family outing to the zoo. At first I wanted it on sat because it's the day where most of us can make it but I didn't realize that my 2 younger sis got church. So we decided to change to a weekday. Daddy definitely doesn't want to take leave. Both the younger sis got to go during school holiday. I just have to take leave and wait for it to be approved. But the third sis said that I'm selfish because I take into consideration for everyone except hers. How on earth would I know her friend's 18th birthday will fall on that day that I chose for everyone. It was so perfect. Both of them are on holiday and Daddy is having his off day. I just have to take leave. What more it's in December, which is a very difficult month to take leave. When I told her to change to another day to celebrate for her separately, she said that she might not have time and by the time it will be next year. Well, if that's the case then let's change it. But she said she don't want to go, and I'm the one who is forcing her to go, and I'm being selfish. Daddy said he didn't got the chance to go to zoo and it's a family outing. But now she said I'm selfish? Who is the one being selfish? I tried to accommodate her but she doesn't want to cooperate. We quarreled until I nearly want to hit her. But thank God, His Holy Spirit stopped me from hurting each other. Thank God I went into my room and calm down. Sometimes being the eldest is the most difficult role. At least God knows my intention. Even if she don't understand me and kept thinking that I'm being selfish, I will just let God handle the situation. This year really got no more strength to fight for this kind of things. I'm tired too. No point getting angry and letting people know that you are suffering. Lord, I surrender all to You.

Thoughts

Happy Valentine's Day, anyone who read my post or blog! Today I received 4 gifts from my last's year children. Saw Dao Jun, Jovan, Joseph and Yuan Hao. Their presence is already a present. Thank God for the making me happy!

Felt so happy to see my last year's K2 children. So far I had already seen Claire, Angeline, Joseph, Dao Jun, Jovan, Yuan Hao, Regene, Rayden and Wei Kai. Both Regene and Dao Jun always come to the centre and look for me. Jovan always run away from me. Haha! Caleb's father told me that Caleb actually took the photo of him and I as a treasure, always looking at it. HAHA! So cute! Even though they might be a handful but they are still very adorable. What more it's my first class. I really miss them so much.

This year's batch is much more easier but not that fun. Maybe I haven't know them well enough. I love my special needs' children. They are lovable and interesting. How I hope next year I can get to attach to K1 class. I love that class. But don't think I will be in that class next year as I'm going for my course soon. But it might change like this year all of us thought that I will be in T class, but my manager wants me to stay in K2. The stress is so big, but thank God for His grace, my manager treats me better this year.

I have some dreams after I get my diploma, if it's possible, I want to try teaching in primary school. That will be interesting as you can join a CCA as a teacher. But the stress will be even bigger. Well, one step at a time. If God wants me where, I will go as long as my mission, which is also God's mission, is accomplish.

So long didn't post such a long post. This few months is a lonely month. Though I might felt lonely, I am not alone. I know God's presence is with me. I felt disconnected with the world even though I still socialized. It's been a while since I visit the beach. I really wish I could go to the beach alone and with no one around. Just me enjoying the breeze and the calming sound of the sea. It will be perfect if I go there during dawn, but it's impossible unless I stay near there.

Chest pain

During Friday afternoon morning tea break, suddenly my chest is so painful that I find it difficult to continue working. I nearly wanted to tell my manager that, but it stop after one minute or so. This has already occurred ever since after I had my spine operation. I didn't tell my mother and I didn't plan to tell her too. If I tell her, she will say too heaty and I always eat junk food. So I only tell my father, he said go see doctor. Well, I hope it's nothing big just that the weather is very hot.

Goodbye till we see again

A new year has begun and there will be new students too. I miss my K2 children a lot. How I wish I could be able to contact them. Have to say bye to them, my first batch of students. Got to prepare myself for this year. It will be an exciting and busy year. Hope I won't neglect God. Jesus may You always be on my mind so that I will always depend on You.

I miss my K2 children!:(

Finally my K2 officially graduate from TOUCH childcare. I miss them so much. But it's somehow a relief too. Looking after one or two of them is fine, but when it comes to the whole bunch of them, I cannot take it. It's a tough year but I made it! Next year will be a whole new year with the same working partners and coping with my studies. I have so much to thank the Lord with. He brought 3 people to bless me abundantly and also show me His grace and mercy. There is no words to describe how marvelous He is. I'm got to work extra hard for next year.

Still staying in K2

I will continue to stay in K2!! In fact, every teacher will be staying at the same class. Well I'm somehow disappointed, happy & stress about next yr when I know I will b in k2. Disappointed because I thought I could be in T class(where all the cute children are). Stress because I will still be working closely with the manager. Happy because next yr k1 will be much easily to handle & many other reasons. But I'm also not happy to be working with the same person.

Even though the manager said that I did a great job and she wants me to continue to help her. I'm very happy to hear that but after all, even if the class is easy to handle, there are so many things to do. Spelling, numerous outing, preparation of art is another thing, GRADUATION!! Next year graduation will be at TC which is the grand one. How am I going to handle without You, Lord?!

3 dreams same guy

I had 3 dreams. In this 3 dreams, there is this guy who kept appearing on my dream. I don't know why was he there. There isn't anything in specific. I don't know what God is trying to tell me. I don't meet any particular guy after the dream. God didn't tell me to reach out to who or telling me that he is my perfect half. The dream just came and go like that. But isn't it mysterious that in 3 dreams, all of them consists of that same guy? Other part of me is trying to tell me negative things about it but I choose to not believe. Because every time before I sleep, I will pray to God to ask Him to give me dreams that only He want to show me and to take away all other negative dreams. So well. I just have to wait for God's answer after praying.

Busy bee

It's been so long since I last update my post. These 2 weeks was a very very busy week. Everyday was like running out of time. Even have to bring books back to mark! Can you imagine what it would be if you really are a Teacher? I don't know how am I going to cope when I'm going to study and work at the same time. God bless me! HAHA! Actually I have lots of things to say but I am not in the mood of typing all out. Really lots of things. Well, talk to the Holy Spirit and let it be a part of my memory. Got to retire to bed.


Going to find one day and have a good update of my recent stuff. Graduation is done and PTC will be over after tomorrow. Now what we do is outing and outing. Waiting for my k2 camp with my children. Hope it will be a wonderful event. Now left with 26 days with my k2 children. Have both feelings of relief and sad. Going to miss them after they go to primary school.